Jersey Mike

Based on the general tone and content of this blog, you’re probably assuming that this is going to be one of those rants about how our societal order and structure is in shambles and government is a synonym for business and the business is failing horribly because of the greed of the people in charge of that business.

But it’s not.

I was just about to click off the television after watching Seinfeld (the “These pretzels are making me thirsty” episode) when one of those commercials for The System came on and I watched it like a train wreck and freak show rolled into one.

You’ve seen these commercials. They’re the late-night version of 1-800-Safe Auto or the other low-budge Mentos ads. Or like some Girls Gone Wild side-project.

They usually have some slutty looking thirty-something woman who you may mistake for a prostitute if you were to see her walking down the street. But it’s a telephone dating service.

So in this particular commercial (which I couldn’t seem to find on YouTube), a slutty dressed thirty-something greets a guy approaching her desk with another slutty looking thirty-something: “Hiiii….are you bringing her back?”

Bringing her back? Did he rent her?

And in that Blink-moment, I think to myself “Is this a commercial for a whore house?”

Slutty dressed thirty-something greets another guy and asks what he’s looking for in a “lady”-and she pulls another slutty dressed late-twenty-something out from behind a curtain.

But this wasn’t a commercial for a whore house (sorry), it was a commercial for that telephone dating service called “The System”.

And I’m not really much of a tele-dating kind of guy, but I’m sort of surprised that this type of thing can be successful enough to afford thirty second spots scattered throughout the late-night television waves.

Which, in turn, must say that there must be a helluva lot of people calling The System looking for whores people to connect with.

It’s completely foreign to me, as I’ve never been the kind of guy to go looking for love on the telephone, but thinking about it beyond the bleary-eyed thirty second spot before bed, I’m really scratching my head as to how successful one could be by calling The System at midnight on a Tuesday.

Are there really people laying there on the couch- three or four beers and a couple glasses of wine into the night- who see this commercial and think

“Y’know, the bar scene isn’t really doing it for me these days. And there’s nobody fun at my church. And I don’t really go to that support group anymore. I think I’ll call The System and find me a good woman.”

- beep bop boop bop boo boo beep- (that’s the beeping noise of a telephone keypad)

riiiing. riiiiiing.

“Cough. Um (whispering) Hi…is this The System?”

I’m sorry if you’re a reader and have called The System before.

Really, to each his own. I’m sure that someone has gotten married (Or found a date. Or at least gotten laid…or..um, maybe just made out a little) after calling The System.

But it’s just one of those things that I can’t seem to wrap my head around.

It’s just sort of funny to me.

The things you see on late night TV.