Jersey Mike

1. Drive worse than you normally would as people have grown to expect it.

2. At any sign of accumulation, cancel ALL schools and government employee schedules for the day.

3. If you work in the news industry, run misleading headlines and stories alluding to the notion that it’s far worse outside than it actually is.

4. By no means and under no circumstance should you attempt to clear the sidewalk in front of your home. Especially if you’re a renter or Section 8 Recipient.

5. Do not expect to Harrisburg City to deploy resources to clear the streets. Canceling everything is cheaper. (Submitted by Rusty)

6. If you are still one of the unlucky ones whose job did not cancel work for the day, today is your day to make a lame excuse to your boss about why you were late/have to leave early.

7. Go to the nearest Giant/Weis/Wegmans and purchase more milk, eggs and butter than you can ever possibly eat or need in a three or four day period.

8. Regardless of how beautiful the snowfall looks, feel free to whine, bitch and complain to anyone who will listen about how much you can’t stand the snow.

9. If someone is complaining to you about how much they don’t like the snow (as in #7) you have a full 24 hour pass to tell that person how much you don’t like them. If they get offended, go outside, make a snowball and throw it at them.

10. By no means should you attempt to help the elderly or disabled.

11. Take those plastic chairs from your porch/patio/backyard and place them in the parking spot in front of your house- letting the world know: “These are MY chairs and this is MY spot, dammit!” Even though you probably only get a spot right in front of your house either once a week or you’re unemployed and never leave the house anyway. (Suggested by reader Spyder)

And final Rule for When It Snows in Central PA-

12. Everybody, FREAK OUT!