The Dunkin Donuts – located at 107 N 2nd Street in Harrisburg- is the worst Dunkin Donuts in the area in the state in the country in the universe.

In the following paragraphs, I will demonstrate- citing examples and first-hand incidents- why the Dunkin Donuts on 2nd Street in Harrisburg is the worst Dunkin Donuts in the Universe.

Earlier today (about fifteen minutes ago, actually) I stopped at the DD on 2nd for my usual “medium hazelnut with cream and sugar”. As usual, there were a couple of customers carrying on boisterously with the seemingly fresh-outta-the-halfway-house staff behind the counter.

I stood patiently. At the counter. Obviously the next person to be waited on.

The employee today finally decided I was worthy of requesting the purchase of my aforementioned coffee. When he dawdled back to the counter, he was holding a Dunkin Donuts cappucino cup- and not the standard white styrofoam cups.

“Didja run out of coffee cups” I inquired.

“Yeah. We’s outta everything. Ain’t even got no more small lids”. He replied.

Dunkin Donuts ran out of coffee cups today.

Dunkin Donuts.

Ran out of.

Coffee cups. Today.

Oh, but that’s not all. That’s just today.

A couple of months back, I went in for my usual- medium hazelnut with cream and sugar- and, not unlike today, there were a few seemingly regulars yapping away with the staff. I ordered my coffee from the short girl with more visible ink than I had and I waited patiently for my java.

Listening to the music piped in, I concentrated- thinking to myself “hmm, this sounds sort of edgy to be playing in a Dunkin Donuts”. And it was.

The lyrics of the song playing over the system inside the Dunkin Donuts was riddled wtih F Bombs, the B word, the S word and even a see you next tuesday was crooned over the hip hop beat.

My coffee arrived from the ink-experiment and I axed her- “So, uh- is that an iPod playing”

“yeah, it is” she smugly replied.

The Dunkin Donuts on 2nd Street blasts profanity-laden music in the store.

(Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve got no problem with profanity. I’m actually a big fan. But there’s a time and a place for profanity to be used. And inside the Dunkin Donuts on 2nd Street in Harrisburg is not one of those times or places)

[I could go on and on and on here. Because- even though I think that the Dunkin Donuts on 2nd Street is probably one of the more poorly presented locations of the chain, I continue to patronize the place because I really do like Dunkin Donuts coffee. But I'll punctuate this with one more anecdote...]

About three weeks ago, I was up and out the door relatively early. I parked the Saab in front of the store, walked in and found three or four people ahead of me.

My turn at the counter arrived and I ordered a sausage, egg and cheese on a croissant with a medium hazelnut, cream and sugar.

“We outta croissants”

“Um, okay. Uh…how bout on a plain bagel?”

“We outta plain bagels”

Puzzled look from me. Still groggy and not quite able to fathom how a DUnkin Donuts could be out of both crossaints AND plain bagels at nine in the morning on a Wednesday.

“Well, okay- lemme just have the coffee and two Boston Creme donuts”

“We outta Boston Creme”

At this point, my eyes had focused on the barren racks behind the counter that should have contained hundreds of donuts, bagels, croissants and munchkins.

But the racks were practically empty.

At nine in the morning on a Wednesday.

Conclusion:

Look, I understand that occasionally a business will temporarily run out of my favorite product. And I understand that occasionally the staff of a store might have an “off” day and run in virtual slow-mo. And I can empathize with the fact that, perhaps I’ve gotten spoiled by having a styrofoam cup to protect my digits from being scalded by the temperature of the world-reknowned hottest coffee. And hell, when the employees are closing up shop for the day and are mopping the floors and cleaing the toilets, sure…go ahead and put the iPod on. But not while there are customers in the store.

It’s clearly evident that whoever is in charge of the Dunkin Donuts on 2nd Street either doesn’t care about their location or they just really can’t find good help to staff the place.

Either way, the Dunkin Donuts on 2nd Street in Harrisburg gets a big, fat, red “NEEDS IMPROVEMENT” on the ole report card.