Jersey Mike

Has it really been two years? Two whole years since the last time Sara Bozich and I sat down at our super, top-secret location, drank a bunch of liquor and talked shit into a microphone for about an hour?

To the four of you who have been missing this wonderful part of Harrisburg in your lives, we’re back.

But it’s not gonna be like the first time…. baby, I can change! We’ll occasionally get together, rap about all things Harrisburg and share it here…for all to hear. DOWNLOAD or stream it below -

This was originally posted July 8, 2010. I would have wrote a new post about the 2011 Harrisburg Jazz And Multi-Cultural Fest, but it would have been redundant. It seems the only thing that changed from last year to this year is there were fewer attendees.

It’s easy to be a “Monday Morning Quarterback” after watching any event fail. But being someone who makes his living booking, promoting and presenting nationally touring bands nearly two hundred nights per year, I feel that my opinion on the abysmal failure of the “Harrisburg Jazz and Multi-Cultural Festival” and how it could have been better is clearly both valid and warranted.

Yesterday, I had lunch with an unnamed source who was close to the inner-workings of this years festival and, combined with the information I was given from my source and the knowledge of the industry I hold, the following are my assertions on how the festival failed and how to ensure that never, ever, EVER happens again.

First and foremost-

1. Changing of The Name
Harrisburg’s American Music Fest – despite it’s lackluster calendar- was an annual event that hundreds of thousands of people from the region attended. What’s in a name? Well, simply put, the American Music Fest was called the American Music Fest because it was a pretty good choice of a pretty broad representation of music. No one can argue that the lineup for the previous years American Music Festivals weren’t varied. World, Blues, Gospel, Rock, Country, Bluegrass, Singer/Songwriters were all represented. And if that isn’t “multi-cultural” in itself, then I don’t know what is.

Additionally, I heard from several vendors, attendees and even performers that “Jazz and Multi Cultural Festival” …how do I say this…sounds pretty, um…urban? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but when factoring in the demographics of the greater 200,000 people living in a 30 mile radius, I’d want a festival to have a welcoming name. And really, what was wrong with “American Music Festival”?

What it boils down to – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

2. Mayor Thompson either fired or lost her top fundraisers for Parks and Rec
Gloria Giambalvo and Tina King were a dynamic duo of fundraising awesomeness for the many programs held throughout the year in the city. I don’t have the exact figures, but Gloria and Tina certainly raised considerable amounts of dough for festivals like Kipona and the American Music Fest. And without them on her payroll, who was going to raise the money? Festivals like this are great exposure for corporate contributors and, while there were the usual, low-hanging-fruit like Comcast and Blue Cross, the festival lacked the long-tail funding that it has had in years past.

So, in a nutshell, you get what you pay for. $160,000 isn’t nearly enough to stage a three day, outdoor, riverfront festival designed to bring in a couple hundred thousand attendees.

3. Chuck Schulz- acting director of Parks and Rec- resigned two weeks before the festival.
Word on the street is that the Parks and Rec department whittled down from five or six people in the office to only one – Chuck – and one man simply cannot keep all the plates necessary spinning.

4. There weren’t any local bands on the bill
If you book twenty local acts on a festival like this, they’ll create buzz strong enough to garner the attention of the community. That’s how the Stage on Herr stage at Artsfest succeeded. Regardless of budget or how much (or how little) the acts were getting paid, having a couple dozen local acts playing throughout the weekend equals a couple dozen acts (of four or five people each) telling their entire mailing lists, Facebook friends, Twitter followers and word-of-mouth benefactors where they are going to be.

5. Save the preachers for the churches
I got a text message from a friend at 3:40PM on Saturday the 3rd which said “Main stage had some guy talking about God and the savior. No band. Just prerecorded backing country music. He was inviting members of the 20 people there on stage to share their love of Jesus”.

[facepalm]

Nobody wants to see that at a city-sponsored event. Period.

6. There’s nothing wrong with admitting defeat. In fact, it’s more respectable.
My sources tell me that Linda was urged on multiple occasions to just cancel the event. Save the money and the embarrassment and simply call it off. That would have been the prudent thing to do. But based on the recent departure of the final of her top-level cabinet staff, all signs point to “Linda don’t listen to nobody but Linda…and God” and that’s no way to run a city.

None of these six points contained anything other than realistic, honest-to-goodness analysis. Sure, it’s her first term in office and she’s going to make a few mistakes…but this is getting out of control. It’s time to batten down the hatches and start to admit that she has faults…or the same body who elected her will remove her from office sooner than she can yell “Praise Jesus!”

Addendum one – Read this story about the state-funded Philly Jazz festival and it’s failures.

Some of my first memories are from Ortley Beach, New Jersey.

My Grandfather – retired from the US Navy and then the US Post Office and my Grandmother, retired from decades in retail with Sears and Roebuck, would get a house from Memorial Day to Labor Day. And it wasn’t fancy. There wasn’t even a phone or a TV. But it had that smooth, white stone driveway that made all that noise when my parents car would pull in late on a Friday night after my Dad finished work,  packed the car carrier and loaded us up for a week “down the shore”.

There was an arcade – Barnacle Bill’s – that was across Route 35. And a block past that was the beach. We’d go and play Skee Ball and arcade games until our quarters ran out and then we’d run across the busy highway and beg Mom and Dad for more.

And when we went to the beach for the day, it wasn’t just for a couple of hours…it was the entire day. Summer vacation at The Jersey Shore was the only time we could eat Cocoa Puffs and Pops and Frosted Flakes and Fruit Loops. They sold those little single serve boxes that came eight to a pack and my parents would get those for a special treat on vacation. And we’d sugar up in the morning, my Grandparents and Parents would load up a cooler with peaches and plums and bologna sandwiches and Capri Suns and “Tab” for my Grandma and Dad and Gramps would lug the beach chairs and towels and toys and buckets and stupid little games and we’d spend at least six hours a day on the beach.

8MM films exist of my brothers and me doing somersaults on the beach. There’s even one when my brother Billy got angry because he couldn’t complete a somersault and I could…that was one of the few times in my entire life that I excelled at anything remotely athletic in comparison to brother Billy.

And Gramps would take us crabbing in the afternoons. The changing of the tide was always best. High to low or low to high. I remember getting BUSHELS of crabs with Gramps. And there was an A&P not far from our bungalow that we’d stop at to get a gallon of milk and some lemons and a loaf of Italian bread and some steaks on sale and we’d go back to the bungalow and they’d cook up the crabs in a big pot on the stove and Dad would cook the steaks on the charcoal grill outside. And there was a hammock.

We’d kick and scream when Mom and Dad said it was time to leave the boardwalk. Partly because it was such a long walk back to Ortley Beach from Seaside (it was actually only seven or eight blocks…but at seven or eight years old…that was pretty far) and we could never get enough of skee ball and the spinning wheel games where you put a quarter down and won a box of candy bars and the dart/balloon games and cotton candy and the motorcycle rides with the “eerrt eeert eert” horns and the burlap sack slide…

So here I am, thirty five years old and wrapping up a week at The Jersey Shore…Wildwood, to be exact. You see, Seaside’s gotten too sleazy. The kids, they call it “sleazeside” now. And it can’t all be blamed on the MTV show. Seaside was sleazy when I was a teenager. Probably even when I was eight years old with all of these fond memories.

Something I learned this week is that the memories we have, they seem to be fonder when we were younger…the colors were brighter…the water was warmer…the games were cheaper…the fish were bigger…the boardwalk smelled sweeter…although not much has really changed.

I’m sure that when my Dad was running us up and down The Boardwalk in Seaside Heights, he’d lament to my Mom about how when HE was a kid in Keansburg, the shoot-the-water-gun-at-the-clowns-mouth game was only a quarter, and now it costs a buck. Not unlike I lamented to Rachel that now it costs three.

And when I went deep sea fishing on Wednesday and Friday this week, I texted my Dad that, when I was a kid and we’d go out with Grandpa and Uncle Buddy and Uncle Mike, it seemed like we ALWAYS went home with keepers. But he texted back that “you were smaller…that made the fish BIGGER”.

You were smaller. That made the fish BIGGER.

And he’s right. Because three bucks for a shoot-the-water-gun-at-the-clowns-mouth game in 2011 is the same as fifty cents or a dollar in nineteen eighty four. And seventy bucks for a family of three at the Ravioli House in Wildwood is the same as twenty five at the Italian place in Ortley that we’d go to.

But winning a Webkinz from the crane machine for Kaiya today is the same as my Dad winning a Snoopy doll for me when I was eight. And jumping through the waves at low tide is the same. And eating tons of junk food and pizza and playing skee ball and gorging on ice cream…and never wanting to leave the boardwalk…and counting up our tickets from Skee Ball and collecting the Chinese Fingercuffs and Spider Rings and combs…that doesn’t change.

And that’s The Jersey Shore at it’s best.

It’s Skee Ball and Springsteen. And funnel cake and ice cream. And sunburn and sunsets. And deep sea fishing and “watch the tram car please”. And crane games and canned beer. And crabbing and bargain shopping at the A&P. And spider rings and Chinese handcuffs. And paying too much for the shoot-the-water-gun-at-the-clowns-mouth game and riding the “eerrt eeert eert” motorcycles. And boxes of sugary cereal in the morning and plums and peaches at the beach.

And it’s Springsteen.

And  it’s The Parkway.

And it’s traffic.

And it’s sleazy carnival barkers hustling for your change.

And it’s slow mornings and late nights.

And fishing and crabbing.

And that sad feeling you get in the last couple days. Longing for one more crane-game and one more funnel cake and one more sunset and one more sugary bowl of cereal…just that one…more….day…of…summer.

How fucked up is it that Senator Piccola is setting a landspeed record to push through legislation enabling the state’s takeover of a third-class city and prohibiting a city from filing for bankruptcy..while at the same time, Harrisburg City Council is racing to “prepare to prepare” to file Chaper 9 Bankruptcy before the Act 47 approval deadline hits?

How fucked up is it that Team Thompson and the current city council have had about eighteen months to file for Chapter 9 and they haven’t done it yet?

The way I see this whole situation is simple: Harrisburg has enormous debt that – even on a modest payment plan- would take hundreds of years to pay off. On top of having hundreds of years worth of debt on the table, the current budget needs aren’t being met by the revenues generated by the city assets, taxes and fees. And when your debt and budget needs aren’t met by available resources, what the hell else is there to do?

FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY, HARRISBURG!

Brad, Wanda, Susan, Gloria, Patty, Kelly and the other new girl…grab your balls and DO IT.

I’d apologize about the blunt nature of this blog post, but I’M NOT SORRY!

Two of three options leave us totally, utterly and completely…redundantly….FUCKED.

1. Accept the Act 47 plan in it’s current state: lease or sell the parking garages (lose annual revenue), sell the incinerator (lose annual revenue), eliminate a number of city departments, police officers, firemen and other services in order to meet the budget and still try to pay back the debt…but WITHOUT REVENUE FROM THE ASSETS.

2. Reject the Act 47 plan in it’s current state and risk being TAKEN OVER BY THE STATE (I can’t even believe that’s an option. A state takeover!? Think about how crazy that is!!). And when the state takes over, they’re going to: lease or sell the parking garages (lose annual revenue), sell the incinerator (lose annual revenue), eliminate a number of city departments, police officers, firemen and other services in order to meet the budget and still try to pay back the debt…but WITHOUT REVENUE FROM THE ASSETS. (Sound familiar?)

And the 3rd and final option (as I see it) – Brad, Wanda, Susan, Gloria, Patty, Kelly and the other new girl can grab their collective balls and do what should have been done 18 months ago and file for Chapter 9 bankruptcy.

Just do it. Rip the band-aid off. We’ve been dancing around this for years now. How much worse can things get?? So we suffer a ding on our credit for a few years? So what! It’s the AMERICAN WAY!

Oh, but the bondholders? FUCK EM! That’s what THEY SAID when the debt was issued. SOMEONE at some point in this whole debt-accumulation process MUST HAVE said “Hey guys, you know what? These bonds don’t really seem like the most…um…ethical? things to be issuing…things might not work out well for the taxpayers of the city at some point in the not-too-distant future…maybe we should consider alternative financing options…or call the whole thing off altogether”

To which, someone likely replied “The taxpayers? FUCK EM! My kids don’t go to the city schools. Shit, we barely ever cross the Harvey Taylor Bridge. Let’s go swimming in my new pool!”

What’s that you say? The state doesn’t want the stigma of the Capital city going officially broke? FUCK EM! Where was the concern for the past two decades while this was happening? Too many of our state politicians were getting kickbacks and payoffs from the seeming ponzi scheme of deals in this city.

And the bond market? Does the bond market care about safe streets in Harrisburg? Does the bond market care what the kids of the Harrisburg school district have at their educational disposal? Does the bond market give a flying fuck whether or not the giant sinkhole at the corner of Third and Boas EVER gets repaired? Does the bond market care about whether or not Metro Bank gets off it’s ass and sends someone out to MOW THE FUCKING JUNGLE that’s grown in front of the failed Capitol View Commerce Center on Cameron Street?

I think you know the answer…

Chapter 9 is Harrisburg’s ONLY ANSWER…if we want any semblance of control of our destiny as a city…we NEED the parking garages. We NEED a better and fuller police force. And we NEED to eliminate the albatross that is the massive debt suffocating this fine little city by the river.

C’mon, council. You’re in a heated race. We voted for you because we had faith in you. Would SOMEONE please step up and do something for the residents of this promising little city?

Because either you can do it…or the suits from the Capital will.

It’s my belief that should one consider voting for Steve Ketterer for City Treasurer or George Hartwick for County Commissioner this coming Tuesday the 17th, they are simply dreaming of the past and voting for Steve Reed.

Regardless of the success or failure of our current mayor, the changing of the guard *needed* to happen.

Financially, socially and structurally, Harrisburg is in a delicate, precarious and injured state. This state would be nearly exactly what it is right now if Rudy Giuliani or Ed Koch or Richard Daley were elected mayor of Harrisburg instead of Linda Thompson.

The biggest problem with Linda, in my opinion, is her lack of communication skills, management skills and general intelligence.

There are many moving parts even in our local government that, regardless of who’s at the helm, would take YEARS to line up in order to take care of the financial quagmire we’ve been sinking in for nearly two decades.

My point is: Yes, Linda and Co. suck. But let’s not revert back to the safety of a proverbial ex-lover by voting for Reed’s top capo Steve Ketterer or “consigliere” Hartwick just because those are the names we’ve known for years. (By the way – Ketterer’s picture in the paper of him in the river is cute and all, but what does that have to do with accounting and collections in a bankrupt city?)

It’s just like sucking it up on a lonely night after breaking up with an abusive partner when you’re longing for the safety and comfort of better times. Yeah, you know her hair smells pretty and she’s probably good for a quick romp, but you’re going to feel pretty s*&tty in the morning when you take that walk of shame back out to your car.

I’m voting for Eric Papenfuse and John Campbell on Tuesday.

Because it’s time for a fresh start and a clean slate.