A List Of Rules For Central PA Snowdays
1. Drive worse than you normally would as people have grown to expect it.
2. At any sign of accumulation, cancel ALL schools and government employee schedules for the day.
3. If you work in the news industry, run misleading headlines and stories alluding to the notion that it’s far worse outside than it actually is.
4. By no means and under no circumstance should you attempt to clear the sidewalk in front of your home. Especially if you’re a renter or Section 8 Recipient.
5. Do not expect to Harrisburg City to deploy resources to clear the streets. Canceling everything is cheaper. (Submitted by Rusty)
6. If you are still one of the unlucky ones whose job did not cancel work for the day, today is your day to make a lame excuse to your boss about why you were late/have to leave early.
7. Go to the nearest Giant/Weis/Wegmans and purchase more milk, eggs and butter than you can ever possibly eat or need in a three or four day period.
8. Regardless of how beautiful the snowfall looks, feel free to whine, bitch and complain to anyone who will listen about how much you can’t stand the snow.
9. If someone is complaining to you about how much they don’t like the snow (as in #7) you have a full 24 hour pass to tell that person how much you don’t like them. If they get offended, go outside, make a snowball and throw it at them.
10. By no means should you attempt to help the elderly or disabled.
11. Take those plastic chairs from your porch/patio/backyard and place them in the parking spot in front of your house- letting the world know: “These are MY chairs and this is MY spot, dammit!” Even though you probably only get a spot right in front of your house either once a week or you’re unemployed and never leave the house anyway. (Suggested by reader Spyder)
And final Rule for When It Snows in Central PA-
12. Everybody, FREAK OUT!
you forgot to inform us to place all of out lawn furniture in the space where our car was when it snowed. In the street of course.
You’re totally right. I forgot all about that one.
But we can make this a running list.
My fav is the 8ft high snow piles we’re not permitted to make…even though there’s nowhere to put the snow.
Statewide ritual involving the “first” measurable snowfall….Skip work and GET LOADED
5 and 7 right here looking in the mirror.
Fun post.
12. Do not expect to Harrisburg City to deploy resources to clear the streets. Canceling everything is cheaper.
You forgot “Under no circumstances should you attempt to clear off your windshield before driving to Weis/Giant/Karns to get more milk, bread and toilet paper, instead let the snow blow off your car so that your fellow drivers can appreciate the beautiful, blinding conditions of winter.”
Tis I, your resident “hate mailer”, though I am sure you have real ones.
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I always wondered why these fuckholes do not just move, if it is in fact so horrible here in the winter? Sorry, can I say fuckhole on here?
I mean seriously, leaving out the bullshit stories of our parents parents of walking to school, 6 miles, one way, just to find out it was closed, Central PA gets hardly any measurable snowfall anymore. Once every few years we get a small blizzard, which isn’t really a blizzard at all. Other than that, gone are the 70′s and 80′s when we actually did get snow and schools didn’t send all the kids home early or close in a pre-emptive move, just in case. I never understood that and I grew up here.
Again, sorry for using the word “fuckhole” but I think I have been using “douche bag” way too much so I am just trying to mix it up a bit. If you have an issue with it Jersey, we could always meet up a Chuckie Cheese and have a few rounds over a group of 5 year old’s. . . .
I swear I saw “Jersey Mike” somewhere on here in Dunkin Donuts colors/font, and now it is suddenly gone. Was I hallucinating? It is really messing with my head now, and that doesn’t help my issues with ADD either.
You’re not hallucinating.
I have a rotating banner.
High tech blogger, yo.
Okay, yeah I saw it again on the homepage. That’s cool shit, you high tech blogger you! I am addicted to DD coffee myself! LOL!