[Disclaimer: This post contains more than one ""F Word", less than complimentary comments about my ex wife, no real goal for the post and is more or less a frustrated rant regarding the difficult maze that exists within the walls of the Dauphin County Domestic Relations System. I swear...once we get this Amusement Tax thing figured out, I"m going to take issue with the county regarding the way that single fathers are viewed, categorized and treated within the county system.] “
Fuck you, pay me.”
That’s what their motto may as well be.
“Oh, your baby-mama is denying you the right to see your child? Fuck you, pay me.”
“Oh, she says inappropriate things to your child that influence the way your child sees you? Fuck you, pay me.”
“Oh, you’re a good, responsible and hard-working father who is most likely in the upper-percentile of single parents with regard to regular visits, a caring and loving home and stable extended family availability? Fuck you, pay me.”
You see, I understand the need for faceless systems like the Dauphin County Domestic Relations agency; but I have a hard time understanding how absolutly callous, cold and uncaring the agency acts …if you are a male.
Don’t belive me?
Oh, you think I’m being over-dramatic?
You think I’m exaggerating?
Ask any guy who has had to interact with DCDR in almost any capacity and they’ll tell you the same thing.
If you have a vagina, they’re on your side.
But if you don’t, you’re essentially fucked.
My unfaithful, lying and untrustworthy baby mama is playing house with a new boyfriend now and is doing everything in her power to deny me the right to spend time with my six year old daughter.
I called Domestic Relations to see what they could do for me (considering I pay them what seems like a monthly rental fee to allow me phone calls and brief visits to my child).
Know what they told me?
“Sorry, we just handle collection and enforcement of child support payments.”
Which translates to “Fuck you, pay me.”
Nope, in order to get my deal straightened out, I’ll need to go to some other government-regulated office and fill out some paperwork and have the matter handled in family court.
Unless, of course, I’ve got an extra few thousand bucks lying around for a lawyer.
Guess what? I don’t.
Therefore, I’ll keep paying my support to DCDR who does not care whether or not my baby-mama is a crack smoking prostitute. They just want their money.
And isn’t that just a shame?
I’m sorry, man – that is serious BS. Just one of many systems in need of a total revamp.
I’m right there with ya’ Mike! And it’s not just Dauphin County. I deal with Perry County Domestic Relations. It’s a nightmare. You have to fork over all of this money and you have NO IDEA where that money goes. And if you don’t pay, you get to go directly to jail. And if your child doesn’t live with you, you can’t claim that child support money on your taxes OR a dependent. Yet you pay taxes on that money.
Domestic Relations seems to only handle part of the situation like you said. When it comes down to custody or visitation, you need to go to court and hire an attorney. And most likely, you won’t win anyway. Unless you can PROVE that the mother is abusive or putting the child in immediate danger, your not going to win.
18 years my friend, 18 years. THEN you can decide how to help your child financially. Until then, you just have to try to keep the relationship between your daughter and yourself tight. I know it’s difficult. Any time you want to talk about this shit and vent, let me know. It’s good to know someone in similar shoes.
I’m no fan of the quality of service over there at Domestic Relations. But there is a BIG difference between “child support” and “custody” and I do think they should operate separately and one should not be confused as the other.
The problem is the system as a whole is just flawed. One parent always gets the shaft (usually the one with the penis) and its the kids who grow up being the recipients of all the aftermath.
From the get-go, I’ve experienced near-immediate, hostile attitude from everyone in the system, including my lawyer (a woman), until I open my mouth and start elaborating on how my ex has conducted herself since we split and then they’ll at least look at me.
You hit it on the head, Jersey. What it ALL comes down to is: You gotta have the $$$ to pay the lawyer. That’ll get you closer. But any ex, if they choose, will always find a way or loophole to keep sticking it to you.
But even as we make our lawyers richer, with all the $$$ I’ve paid to my lawyer, my ex still continues to be an extremely selfish person who makes my world more difficult than it should be. And that’s okay, I’ll take it. I’ll assume some responsibility in our marriage ending and our family splintering into two. But she chooses not to see how her games, decision-making and her complete disregard for me is affecting our kids. No lawyer or government agency can help with that.
Peace brothers…
If you are dealing with a hostile and irrational person, the best thing to do is keep journal and document every single instance. Whether it be something said in a phone call or text message, or through your child. I don’t think you need to have a lawyer to file for custody, but it is recommended. Especially if you are dealing with an insane person. Sorry about your situation. I hate double standards.
I totally feel every emotion. My position is, While I do not agree with why people kill and blow shit up, I certainly understand why they do it!
Well Mike it’s not just men that domestics treats like SHIT. i’m a single mother of 3 who’s son was placed in a juvenille placement facility for whom i had to pay support while he was there. Again i’m a single mother and was forced to pay close to $500.00 per month. they didnt care about the fact that i had two other kids i am soley responsible for and bills to pay. in fact the Male enforcement officer advised me if the amount of support was a financial burden i should get a second job. Needless to say i did get a second job money that domestics also helped themselves too. even though they were receiving the full amount of the support order from my part time job. The enforcement officer also didnt mind rubbing in my face that if i was on welfare i would not have had to pay a penny of support because that would be like paying the state with the states money. (go figure)!!
My son has since been released from placement. Notification from the judge has been sent to domestics to suspend the order. Guess what??? they are still taking my money even though the order for supsension was submitted 2 weeks ago. it took them less than 5 day to attach and garnish my wages,so its obvious that is shouldnt have taken over 2 weeks for them to contact my employers and stop the wage attachment. Domestic Relations is a poorly run, disorganized, heartless, poor excuse of an organization and hope i never have to come in contact with them again once this is over.
Any government employee is retarded and that is why they have to separate the assholes who collect support and the assholes who deal with custody…
Every single time that I call my unemployment office in Lawrence County they the employees sound like they are absolutely shit faced, drunk outta their skulls and I have to repeat everything to them about five different times. My son’s mother spent all of my child support money on drugs and alcohol for the first six years of his life while I unknowingly busted my ass to make ends meet because I did not want to be a dead beat dad and go to jail and have my name put in the paper.
I have never had to deal with any custody bullshit or anything but I can imagine how much of a cluster fuck that would be so I feel your pain man!
As for dealing with these dumb fucks that fun the so called ” system ” and demand money and abuse their rights while taking away our rights. We need to take these bull shit systems down. We need to fuck them just as hard as they fuck us. We need to go to whatever extremes that are required to take our rights back. This is the beginning of a war if we get some balls and show these motherfuckers what we are made of… Fuck the legal system… Make our own laws…
I had a similar experience, and completely sympathise. My situation was a LOT different, yet the same.
Long story short… My ex wife filed for cash assistance and I was all of a sudden, out of the blue expected to pay support.
Whoa whoa whoa! I said… Her child isn’t even MINE! Too bad, they said… fuck you, pay me. (you hit that one on the head jersey).
I wasn’t having that shit, and demanded a blood test. I got it, after paying money I could have used on MY kids to pay for an attorney.
The test results were in in August of 08. I’m not the father. We filed the dismissal, or whatever their shitty lawyer speak is, and I’m STILL being attached!
Total cluster fuck over there.
I truely feel the pain in this room. I have paid ungodly amounts of money to this so called system. Yet they keep trying to lock me away! Now I face total loss due to the system taking my retirerment as well as my entire paycheck each week! This has straind me to the point I am going to be kicked out of my appartment. They are truely taking 100% of my income and then they tell me it will take a month just to get a reduction hearing so that I may have a chance to live again! This so called institution domestics says they are is far from fair. We need to all band together and just stop paying untill they get it right!
I’m a single mom, but I do see what you’re saying. I know a few single fathers that have to fight to see their kids and they take really good care of them. It’s a shame that it is that way. My son’s dad hasn’t seen or even asked to see our son since January of this year, so it’s been 8 months. Our son is only 10 months old. He’s missed out on seeing how much he’s grown since the last time he saw him. He also only lives 15 minutes away. We had a fight back in January and I told him to “leave me alone”…so apparently he’s using that as the reason why he doesn’t see our son. Boo hoo, who cares what I say? If he wanted to see him he would have called by now or *gasp* filed for partial custody? Nope. From what I hear, he tells people I keep our son away, when in fact he keeps himself away. There are deadbeat dads, but there are also wonderful fathers. I know this was posted a few years ago, but I hope things work out for you.