Dear Barack Obama Campaign Volunteers,

I’m writing this letter today to let you know a couple of things.

The first thing I’d like for (all of) you to know is that I am, certainly, definitely, without-a-doubt registered to vote. Please quit stopping me in the street and arbitrary, non-political locations like parks and walking paths asking me whether or not I’m registered to vote yet. I’m going to get a new tattoo next week and am seriously considering making the location of my new tattoo my forehead and having said tattoo read “yes, I am registered to vote”.

It’s almost becoming as cumbersome as the panhandling problem within the City of Harrisburg. The main way I know what I’m about to be solicited for is that the homeless people mostly have an empty coffee cup with change jingling in it while Obama campaigners carry clipboards.

Really, when you all got together almost a year ago and wowed the country with your gusto and determination by increasing the primary voter-turnout by record percentages, we all thought it was fantastic. But that limelight has dimmed and it’s now becoming somewhat annoying.

And the second thing I’d like to ask you is to please stop calling me incessantly asking me to volunteer some time. Seriously. If I had more time to volunteer, trust me- I would have offered a few hours the first time you called. But when you called me again two days later, I wasn’t as appreciative of you thinking of me. In fact, after the first call, I thought that, should I find some free time, I’d volunteer on the campaign. But it was the third call that really sealed the deal for me. (Actually, it was the third call within ten days that nailed my decision. PHEAA doesn’t call me that often collecting their school loans. Please take a nod from them)

Barack, I promise you- you’ve got my vote.

And this letter is really meant more as a tongue-in-cheek observation of your campaign troops ruthless nature.

But please, for the good of your well-crafted image, don’t make me think of a collection agency or panhandlers each time I hear your name.

Sincerely,

Jersey Mike
xoxo