PennLive ran an article tonight (which means The Patriot will run the print edition tomorrow) of a story which I had to read twice in order to decide whether or not it was a serious story or an absolute joke- a story which should have ran on the Central PA Gazelle but through some sort of shenanigans wound up in the local news section of the site tonight.

You see, this story seems so incredibly ludicrous that unless I read it in the paper, there’s no way on earth I’d believe such a thing to be true.

This tale involves a church, four weddings, eight single parents and a pastor.

Sound like a joke already?

Wait…it gets better.

The headline of the story reads “Church gives 4 couples free weddings”.

Okay, I’ll click.

The first paragraph describes the premise- four unmarried couples are given “free” weddings by a pastor of local ministry “Reclaim the Streets”.

And here’s where it goes from “okay” to “oh no he dinnit!”

William Jones Jr. of Reclaim the Streets ministry in Harrisburg has apparently “borrowed” an idea from a New York Church.

The program behind that idea is titled “Marry Your Baby Daddy“.

Marry.

Your.

Baby.

Daddy.

Really?

No, no…seriously. Really!?

Gee. Where do we start with this one?
Correct me if I’m wrong (I stopped practicing organized religion nearly fifteen years ago so I may be a bit out of touch) but, I was under the assumption that couples wishing to marry didn’t necessarily “pay” to get married in a church; rather, couples are encouraged to make a donation to the parish to get hitched?

So there’s the first thing which leaves me flummoxed about this program.

Next, does it really need to come to this? Does a church need to further the assumption that it’s the man who needs to be coerced to marry the mother of his child?

Sure, it’s a societal assumption which has been force fed to the public for decades, but certainly that’s not the case in all single-parent or unwed-couple households.

Speaking from nearly six years of experience being a “baby daddy”, I’ve personally found the term “baby daddy” to be mildly offensive and ignorantly generalizing; a term so closely related to thug and “ghetto” culture that has molded its way into the post-millennial lexicon that it’s as common as white guys using expressions like “yo” and “g”.

And this church has somehow decided it’s a good idea to proliferate this stereotypical, insulting, degenerate, and backward-thinking mindset of an entire generation of peoples conception of family and marriage.

Sure, sure- it’s good that he’s trying to do something to help boost marriages in his church.

But what message does this send to the rest of the unwed, unmarried parents of the world?

That they, too, will be granted a “free” wedding for remaining unwed parents?

The cost of a wedding or marriage of two people should not ever be an issue when a couple is deciding whether or not to wed. Two people, if they are of the mind and spirit to decide to do so, should decide on their own to wed or marry.

The cost of a wedding should not be proverbially given away in order to encourage young people to enter into the union of marriage.

By giving these four couples “free” marriages, Pastor Jones is likening the institution to a coupon for a free bottle of Pepsi from the Wegmans that shows up in my mailbox once every six weeks.

“Man, we’re noticing a pretty steep drop in marriages these days. I wonder what we can do to encourage our young people to get married and support our church? Eureka! I’ve got it! What’s that thing that the young kids say today? Is it phat? No, no..that was last year. Dope? No, no..that was what we did back in the sixties. Wait! I know! I’ve seen Maury Povich before! Young fathers today are referred to as “baby daddy”! Yes! Yes! That’s it! We’ll create a slogan which reaches our young people by speaking their language! Oh, what’s this you say? Baby Daddy is a bad term? Well, I don’t see how bad it could be..and we really need to increase the offerings in the weekly collection basket.”

That the derogatory term “baby daddy” is now an acceptable term to use to refer to the father of a child of an unwed couple?

Or perhaps, quite possibly, this Pastor simply believes that God is Jesus’ baby daddy and this is the way things should be.

Because, ultimately, that’s what he’s saying.

Yes, folks- the apocalypse must be near.

Because God is Jesus Christ’s Baby Daddy. (Tee shirt coming soon)